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2018: A Retrospective on Love, Loss and Music

Love and Loss in 2018

Like most of us, 2018 dealt some hope but also a lot of pain. For me it was the loss of a very kind friend named Kelli Archer, from Austin, Texas. She stuck her neck out for me more than once and supported hundreds of musicians through the shows she produced outside her former vintage store, Roadhouse Rags. I wrote a tribute song in Kelli’s honor; you can check out a quick DIY live video of the song “The Last Austin Cowgirl” below.

This fall I also lost the lease to my apartment in Minneapolis unexpectedly. Since I didn’t have a day job lined up, my dog Banjo and I traveled between Nashville and Minneapolis, bouncing from Airbnbs to artist cabins to hotels to friend’s houses . Between September and November we stayed in 15 different places (!!!!), trying to find full time housing…without a job it was no easy task. It was off-the-charts stressful and a bit depressing, but a few good friends came to the rescue during this time. Thank you, GOOD FRIENDS! I love you and you mean the world to me.

Release of Deathfolk Magic

In the midst of all this housing chaos, I finally released the first EP for my side project Bye Bye Banshee. ‘Deathfolk Magic’ came out on October 5, 2018. At its heart, Bye Bye Banshee is new-age-meets-old-world-funeral music. I’ve been researching and writing music based around death culture and mythology for about six years…and we captured four folklore-inspired tunes on this initial recording. The EP was expertly co-produced by Jeff Crandall (Swallows, J.Briozo) and it was recorded/mixed/mastered by audio guru Tom Garneau (Prince, Sting). I also had an amazing band backing me up on this production, including Chris and JT Bates, Aaron Kerr and Brett Hansen.

‘Deathfolk Magic’ has garnered some nice reviews so far. Here are a few quotes...

"She inhabits every line of the song with unique ferocity and demonstrates all-encompassing vocal control with her ability to vary her voice from hushed respect to muscular, elongated lines seemingly dredged up from fiery depths of her heart...Jezebel Jones has written and recorded an EP release no one else could have..." - No Depression

"The music is jazzy, dark, mystical and I thought it would work perfectly in the first season of True Detective...That being said the vocals are the star of the show. Jones is dynamic, sleek and mysterious when she sings..." - Divide and Conquer

"The whole thing sounds like a New Orleans jam designed to raise the dead, a shamanic ritual and soundtrack in a ballroom beyond time. But for all its bleak subject matter the music is gorgeous in its understatement...and beautifully soothing." - Dancing About Architecture

You can read more about the project, see the reviews and listen to/download the music here.

I've Moved Again...this time to Nashville

In December I signed a lease just outside Nashville. I won’t say exactly where but it’s very close to the cabin where my hero—songwriter Townes Van Zandt—died. For a nerdy nomadic introvert like myself it’s helpful to be in a friendly city where people actually look you in the eyes, smile and even say hello. It’s very easy to meet people here…and those little southern charms warm my chilly northern heart. But I won’t lie, it’s the music and the mild winters that makes me most excited to be here. I like walking my dog in the January rain, grass still lush and green. I’ve seen some amazing music here and will start playing live shows again soon.

To keep in touch, be sure to sign up for my NEW AND IMPROVED monthly newsletter, which will kick off in February 2018. New music, videos, poetry, illustrations and more!!!

Masters of Performance: Chris Cornell, Part 1 – Seattle ‘Higher Truth’ Show

Note: I just woke up this morning to find out about Chris Cornell's death. He was a music hero to me, mostly because of his phenomenal, expressive singing voice and partly because Soundgarden was one of my all-time favorite rock bands. RIP, Chris Cornell. The world won't be the same without you. 5/18/17 -JJ

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I’m in my overpriced, moldy Fremont living room listening to the hazy, warm sounds of The Cult’s ‘Love’ album on vinyl, trying to decide what you tell you about last night. Damn. What a show.

After my recent move to Seattle, I found out Chris Cornell was going to playing a solo acoustic gig at Benaroya Hall, in the heart of downtown. Since I was on the mailing list (and if you’re a fan you probably should be on it), I got the early box office deal and splurged on 3^rd row center.

Now I’ve seen Cornell perform with Audioslave a few times, mainly due to my ex-boyfriend David, aka ‘the Minneapolis Mensch’. For many years, he was a sound guy/tour manager for Chevelle; I went to a few shows the two bands did together back in the day. I really dug Cornell’s smoky, multi-octave vocals, so I started listening to a shitload of Soundgarden, digging beyond the few hits I’d heard on the radio as a kid. Truthfully, it turned me into one of those annoyingly un-hip post-band-breakup fans. Looking-forward-to-the-reunion-‘cause-I-never-saw-them-live-before kind of deal. I apologize profusely for any pain this may cause real Soundgarden fans.

Fast forward {x?} years and I’m in Seattle, stoked about seeing Cornell’s solo show, strolling through a HUGE CLOUD OF POT SMOKE—some of which I may or may not be responsible for—and into Benaroya Hall. Some ridiculously nice older-lady ushers point the way to the “good seats” and I settled my leather dress-dressed self into the roomy third row, a mere 20 feet from the stage.

With Mike McCready. Photography: PeterDervin.com

At this point, if I were a Chris Cornell fan-freak, I would launch into some annoyingly-detailed play-by-play, citing every goddamn thing that happened during his set, including analysis of each song he played, the exact order he played the songs and how Cornell kinda-sorta clammed halfway through this one particular song but it was still SO amazing and blah, blah, fucking blah.

Well, I’m not going to do that. It sounds like a fairly tedious post for someone else to write. Probably some pale bearded hetero-man, who happens to have Mr. Cornell on his ‘allowed-to-be-gay-for’ list. Actually, if you must know some of these things, you might want to reference Dusty Henry's review on Consequence of Sound; it's detailed but not tedious.

I CAN tell you this: the return of this Rain City son to a sold-out crowd of fans and friends was a beautiful thing to experience. He played almost everything I wanted to hear (except Mailman) and almost everything EVERYONE wanted to hear (except Outshined) because HE PLAYED FOR 3 MOTHERFUCKING HOURS, much of it solo. He played and played and sang and sang until some of the 40 and 50-somethings who had kids waiting at home with teenager babysitters had to leave. And then he did an encore.

SO instead of lulling you to sleep with a detailed analysis of the drop-D or drop-(insert favorite here) tunings on Cornell’s 9 or 10 guitars, in a few days I’ll publish a follow-up piece called Masters of Performance: Chris Cornell, Part 2 – 7 Ways to Make Your Next Live Performance Shine. Maybe there will be 10 things if I get all Irish about it. I think we can all benefit from the interesting creative decisions and killer performance skills that went into making last night’s show a memorable experience.

In the meantime, I’m packing my things. Moving day looms once again, like the approaching clouds of winter.

-JJ

Read Masters of Performance: Chris Cornell, Part 2

Suicide, Compassion...and Richard Lloyd

An acquaintance just posted a note about his recent conversation with guitarist/former Television band member Richard Lloyd on Facebook and it so disturbed me that I had to turn to the pen, so to speak. Below is the post in its entirety (minus the discussion thread that ensued).

“I was driving Richard Lloyd and he shared his thoughts on suicide. Suicides, he said, should be forgotten, their names expunged, because they are foremost murderers, and murder should not bring glory to its perpetrators.

At first, it didn't sit right with me, but after watching friends whose loved ones have killed themselves, both suddenly and slowly, by premeditated murder and by manslaughter, I have to acknowledge the fundamental violence of the act and deem it unforgivable as murder. To honor a victim of suicide is to place his murderer above the survivors.

If a man loses his fight with depression, he should hope to be scoffed at and forgotten and erased. No resting in peace for you, suicides. Decay in dishonor.”

Wow. This is one of the cruelest things I had read in long time.

First of all, suicide is not about YOU, friend. It’s not about YOU, Richard Lloyd. It’s about another person wanting to end their pain. Sometimes it’s about depression and despair that so colors your world, you can’t see clearly, whether it’s in a moment of desperation (often aided by legal/illegal drug or alcohol), a product of chemical imbalance, combined with the means to commit the act. Sometimes it's about mental illness. Sometimes it is a rational decision, a considered response to physical pain or the dying process.

Yes, I’ve heard all the arguments and the finger-pointing. God, we just love to pass judgment and blame someone else for their faults and decisions. “Suicide is a selfish act”. How very cliché. Well, most of our lives are lived selfishly. In America selfishness is our enthusiastic pasttime, our true national religion. Isn’t it selfish of us to condemn those who are suffering or blinded by pain, saying they should choose to live so that we won’t suffer when they die?

Some of those same people who express anger after a suicide, could have—and maybe should have—intervened earlier. Some of these folks feel a sense of outrage and betrayal after a suicide because it makes them feel guilty and regetful about their own actions or inaction. Religion often heaps on more judgement and cruelty, condemning a person to hell for this act, dictating that they cannot be buried with their congregation.

BUT many times there simply wasn’t a way to prevent the act. Anyone who has dealt with depression, especially serious depression over a lifetime, may turn to suicide regardless of strong family and friend ties. That person may be loved, but still find themselves wanting to end their own life. It’s natural to ask “what more could I have done?” after the fact. But many times there truly wasn’t anything you could do to prevent it; ultimately they chose to end their pain in the only way they knew how.

I personally had an experience when I was going off anti-depression medication many years ago. Even though I tapered off it gradually as the doctor recommended, it triggered suicidal thoughts to the degree that if I had had the ready means on that evening, I may have decided to end it all. Luckily that terrible evening passed, but thoughts of death and dying are not uncommon for me. They are not uncommon for many of us, particularly artists and musicians. But fortunately, since I rediscovered music a few years back, neither are thoughts of life, love and joy.

I’m advocating for compassion on all sides of the issue. Compassion for the person who commits suicide, compassion for the friends and family and most of all compassion for one’s self. You can never walk in another person’s shoes, not really. We can only try to understand and extend as much love as our hearts will allow.

Several years ago, a family friend ended his own life. J. was a sweet person—beautiful inside and out. I remember being quite shocked when I heard the news. He seemed so even-keeled, so zen. He was a student of Buddhism; I believe he was studying to become a priest at the time of his death. But a moment of drug-enhanced despair and the means to do it (a gun he kept in a safe for protection) led to a tragic end.

I’ve written a new song about this very subject, inspired by my brother’s good friend. Here is semi-produced demo of the song (flaws and all), which I decided to share with you today of this post. We’ve only performed it live a few times and it will be on my next album. It’s called San Diego; I dedicate it to J. and all folks who have been affected by this issue.

For those who are tormented by guilt and regret over the suicide of a loved one, please try to extend compassion to your loved one and most importantly, yourself. To those who are tormented by thoughts of suicide, please try (and keep trying and trying) to reach out to others. If you don’t have that support network, there are compassionate strangers who want to help you. Call a support line, say something on Facebook, talk to a teacher, doctor, or counselor. People do understand, care and want to help.

There are no easy answers to a subject this complex and fraught with emotion. Can we open our hearts to forgive and understand? Can we demonstrate compassion and reach out to those who are hurting?

In love & compassion,

Jezebel

(originally posted Nov. 2012, revised Sept 2013)

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