Dear Readers,

The other day I received some mail that I thought you might find interesting. My response follows...



Dear Dave-
 
Thanks so very much for your thoughtful and—dare I say—highly imaginative letter, but especially for your flatterous words.  
 
A musician always loves people who will take the time to kiss ass a little, but preferably a LOT. We music-types have huge EGOs, imho!  Usually that “flattery” takes slightly different forms, though, like praising my original music or comparing me to artists I dig, such as Nick Cave, Billie Holiday or the great Barry Manilow. Sometimes people just compliment me on my quality footwear. But saying you covet my domain name—JezebelJones.com—is almost just as good.
 
As a fellow arteest, I’m sure you can understand the importance of a owning the same dot com name as your already-established stage/band name. In fact, it may be slightly more important than owning the dot com name of a character in a yet-to-be-completed first novel.
 
Although I didn’t read your fan-fiction—primarily because I’m not a fan-fiction fan, but also because I hate to read—I’m sure your upcoming novel will be equal parts moody and dangerously brilliant, and sell like DC crack til you finally make the New York Times Best Seller List.  If a talentless hack like E.L. James (also a fan-fiction writer!) can manage to write a best seller, literally anyone can.
 
I understand why you feel marketing your upcoming first novel/runaway debut bestseller is more important than my relatively trivial musical endeavors. As you so politely did NOT point out, soon you’ll be outselling Stephen King while I’m opening up for some puppet show at a theme park in California. So really…what’s the point in me even keeping JezebelJones.com ?
 
That’s a tough question to answer. I guess while you’ve been riffing on JK Rowling’s ideas, I’ve been working on writing unique, “riff-free” music, getting the word out about it and building a community of friends and supporters.  I’m sure you can understand why it’s at least marginally important for me to keep using JezebelJones.com.

Also, my Turkish fans might be really pissed if you took over the domain.  I really, really don’t want to let them down. They're very nice. And they’ve been through enough lately, don’t you think?
 
That said, I’m not entirely unreceptive to selling the domain name for the right price. Turkey will understand…eventually.

Since you didn’t mention money at all, I assume that money is no object. I get it. That’s cool. I know several trust fund kids, and they’re only mean drunks when they’re drinking. But considering the time, money, passion and pain it has cost me these past several years to write/produce music, build a fan base and promote my site—not to mention the continued long-tail value over the next several decades…
 
In short, I would be willing to sell the JezebelJones.com domain name for...(drum-roll, please)... 

$1,000,000 US.

It feels like the right amount for this “prime Internet property”, as you call it. Funds would need to be verified beforehand, naturally.   But I think we really “get” each other, so maybe we could skip that part. However, I would feel much better if I could sign the transfer paperwork after your payment posts to the Swiss bank account I plan to open.
 
As far as the hosting, rebuilding and re-architecting of my website, I would prefer not to have a Drupal developer touch JezebelJones.com. Ever. Please never mention it again, as it is extremely upsetting to me for obvious reasons. “Unsweeten the deal”, so to speak.
 
In summary, I prefer to keep JezebelJones.com.  But money talks. And bullshit does something else altogether, but that’s not important here. I’m willing to part with the domain name if I can afford to quit my 9-5 job, pay off my debts and pursue my music full time.  We all have to make sacrifices, I guess.
 
At this point you're probably wondering what I’d do with the money from the sale of my domain name. Most likely, I would buy a tiny cottage in Ireland or lease a flat in Paris or Berlin where I could smoke gratuitous amounts of high-quality marijuana, write my next album and take up urban landscape painting. Maybe Barcelona would make more sense for all of that. Well, I’d better go brush up on my Spanish.
 
Looking forward to your kind response.  Adiós (aka, “goodbye”).


-Jezebel Jones


P.S. To your point, no, I wasn't able to to secure "jezebeljones" as some of my social media handles, thus I go by "msjezebeljones" on Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.   You said that msjezebeljones.com would be a “perfect alternative domain name” for my website. I completely agree except I would replace the “alternative” with “additional”, at least until you purchase my domain.  So I have additionally secured msjezebeljones.com in anticipation of that joyous event.


UPDATE 7/23/15:

Dave emailed me back.  This is what he had to say...

Thanks for the forthright and humorous response. If-ever I have $1,000,000 to spend on a domain name, I’ll be sure to come back with a new and proper proposal!

A True Story of Weed & Backwards Masking by Jezebel Jones

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Note: This is a repost of a piece I did to celebrate 4/20 a couple of years ago. I took it down temporarily because I was concerned about "random" testing at my day job in Texas.  Have I mentioned I'm happy to be living in Washington state with lots of other "devil worshippers"? ;)

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I like to think I smoke marijuana because Freddy Mercury told me to.

Back when I was a child, I’d spend weeks of my summer at some Pentecostal camp or another, usually with my family. When I was about 12 or 13, I was finally old enough to go to Teen Camp on my own, which meant less crafts, less supervision, more sophisticated pranks (quick-set cherry jello in the toilets) and longer church services with age-appropriate topics like the evils of drinking, pre-marital sex and masturbation. Hello, Jesus Camp!

That week was a several hour presentation by not-quite-famous Peters Brothers, a pair of slick sibling “saints” who traveled around the country peddling a titillating, anti-rock music multimedia presentation called ‘The Truth About Rock’. Three glorious hours of demonic imagery & ungodly music mashed up with bouts of fiery preaching, followed by an offering and an altar call to repent of your music sins. It was profitable (tax-free!). Sexy and gory and riveting, OH MY!

Now, one of the topics covered in this anti-rock music extravaganza (you can watch an older 80’s version on YouTube and laugh your ass off) was backmasking or backwards masking, which is a technique used to hide subliminal sounds/phrases in music. These messages are only understandable if you were to play that bit backwards, and the Peters Brothers provided convincing evidence of evail, Satanic messages within popular rock songs.

One of the audio clips they played was “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen, which happened to be a favorite song as a child. By favorite song that I mean we roller skated to it in grade school. They and many other preachers were saying Queen communed with the Devil because the song has the message, “It’s Fun to Smoke Marijuana” or “Decide to Smoke Marijuana” backmasked into the song. Hail Satan!

Fast forward many years later I’m living with my folks in Florida and waiting tables. If that doesn’t drive you to all kinds of drugs, I don’t know what will. Weed was readily available. I had given it the old “college try” in college but didn’t get high that first time.

This time I was a bit older—maybe even wiser—and wanted to know what I was getting into. So I start doing research on marijuana on the internet—the effects, the different types, the history of use, the laws. And that’s how I found out about medical marijuana and how it’s helping so many people cope with various conditions (especially pain) with minimal if any side effects.

It was an eye-opening experience—marijuana was not the evil drug that we’d been warned about. In fact, it was much safer than many common over-the-counter & prescription drugs…and it seemed like it might be fun. So I decided to give it another try. The first time I got high was really amazing. With my mind relaxed, I chatted happily with my co-workers, forgetting my troubles for a few hours, with absolutely no hangover in the morning. And no regrets.

Several years later when I started writing and playing, marijuana was the ultimate Muse, the valve that opened the flow of creativity for me. Yes, I have stupid stoner moments, and plenty of them. But I’ve also solved complex problems, eased physical pain, had deep spiritual insights and awakenings, and stopped taking anti-depressants with dangerous side effects. And experienced much growth, creativity and satisfaction in my musical development. Personally, I’m thankful for this good plant.

While we were recording my first record “Queen of the Devil’s Rodeo” I was telling my co-producer—David J Russ—about the Peters Brothers, when suddenly I remembered that reference to the Queen Song. We had a good laugh about it. Then I had an idea…

For laughs, I recorded me saying “decide to smoke marijuana” and we reversed it, adding it to one of my songs; a homage to Queen, a bit of a “fuck you” to the crazy Peters Brothers and a pro-pot statement all wrapped up in a private joke, buried in a song. You can listen to The Prisoner here; the marijuana bit happens around 1:42, and we threw in an extra backmasked bit at the end (reversed a piece of the whole song) to give it an authentic “Satanic” sound.

Happy 4/20 & Happy Record Store Day 2013!!! Please support legal weed AND your local record stores.

-Jezebel

P.S. As I’m writing this post, I’m playing Queen’s Greatest Hits on vinyl. And smiling. Hail Satan!

P.S.S. And if you missed this awesome Backwards Masking DJ mix of 'Another One Bites the Dust', check it out.